This is probably the fundamental, most common cause of the lack of change. You fear rejection and defeat.

You’re afraid that you’ll create your business, but it won’t generate income, and you’ll have to accept that your idea was wrong.

You’re afraid that when you finally write and publish a book, it will get bad reviews.

You’re afraid that when you find the courage to ask the person you like on a date, they will reject you, and your contacts will become awkward.

The list goes on.

Restraining from making the first step is comfortable. You can still live in a fantasy. A fantasy that you’re good enough to run a successful business, to write a bestseller, to have a great relationship—you just haven’t tried.

But it’s also dangerous because, in a few years from now, your sentences will start with “If only …”

Believe me, I lost some money on unsuccessful projects and bad investments, I experienced rejection many times in my business and personal life. But I can assure you: I still don’t regret trying to make a positive change in my life, even if it didn’t work out. On the contrary—I treat these experiences like life lessons. It’s an old cliche, but that’s because it’s true!

You didn’t see that coming, did you? 😉

Fear of success may sound to you like the dumbest thing you’ve heard of.

Nobody fears having a big house in the Bahamas, a private jet, or the possibility to spend money on whatever, whenever! Nobody is afraid of having a lovely family, a great relationship and a perfect dog to sit on your lap when you’re having a bad day.

Yet somehow, the fear of success is known to psychologists very well.

The fear of success shouldn’t be taken literally. Maybe you aren’t even aware that you have it because it’s usually rooted in our childhood and early adulthood experiences. The longer it stays unconscious, the bigger impact it has on your life.

Maybe you don’t like being in the center of attention. Maybe when you were a child, your parents mocked your good grades or other small successes, and you just don’t want to feel the same. Maybe you’re afraid that you can’t handle big clients and big money because it means much more responsibility. Maybe you avoid getting into a profound relationship because you don’t want the other person to know your insecurities and embarrassing traits.

And maybe you fear that when you go all the way to the top, and it will end someday, the disappointment will be much harder to bear.

How to know that you sabotage your success? Just think of your latest decisions.

Have you ever rejected taking on a big, ambitious project or a great opportunity at work? Do you shy away from compliments? Do you surround yourself with people that drag you down instead of lifting you up?

Actually, I was afraid to put this reason on my list because some of you may lack self-confidence. And I really don’t want you to come to a conclusion that you’re “too poor, too dumb, too ugly, so change is impossible, CASE CLOSED.”

Here, I want to emphasize that significant life changes usually require appropriate resources: skills, contacts, experiences, etc.

If you want to establish your own law firm, be sure that you have experience in your field and at least a few clients you could start with. If you want to create an online business, learn how to create a product that suits your potential clients’ needs. If you can’t write, but you’re a good speaker, promote yourself and your business via YouTube or a podcast, instead of creating long blog posts.

Choose the path that’s suitable for you. Don’t make change harder than it should be.

As Albert Einstein said: “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”

Persistence is crucial on the path to success, but you need to know where to stop. If things don’t go well once, it may be a coincidence. But if they go wrong 3 times under the same circumstances, then the fourth time will be the same.

If you created a product and people criticize it more often than they praise it, accept that something may be wrong with your product. Don’t sulk like a child or treat their words as a personal attack. Don’t make an additional batch of the product, hoping that when you buy more, you’ll finally find people who will love it. Instead, make changes, experiment, ask again for the feedback.

Be persistent, but don’t be foolishly stubborn. Trust your instincts, but also trust other people.

Every decision involves tradeoffs. Making one choice usually means losing something else.

You have to pay for everything, but not necessarily with money.

Choosing the life of a digital nomad usually means losing a stable paycheck. Moving to another city for a better job means losing personal contact with your long-term friends. Having a life partner means that you stop looking for someone else (or, at least, it should mean it).

There are things in life that have immense value: the freedom to live a life you’ve always dreamt of, being independent, feeling appreciated, loving someone truly and being loved back, having a positive impact on the world and other people.

For all those important things you have to pay the highest price. You pay with stress, turbulent emotions, a fear of loss, a risk of a public defeat. You pay with a lack of time for your family and friends, with prospects of being criticized by people who think you don’t deserve what you have.

If you haven’t reached a specific big goal, it’s probably because you don’t think this goal is worth bearing the necessary costs. Don’t lie to yourself that you can’t change—you just aren’t ready to pay what it takes. And that’s a big difference.